Farrell @Farrell@raggedfeathers.com

When determining your worth, don't forget to add tax.

My Walmart delivery driver has ✨ARRIVED✨ & I know this because yer girl mobbed up into the driveway with bass thumping so hard, it rattled both the windows & my back teeth.

A helpful thing if you need repro or gender-affirming services in a place where you aren't (also a thing people might wanna donate to):

https://elevatedaccess.org/

I am not *on* the struggle bus. That bitch is REGISTERED IN MY NAME.

Them: "You're a woman! You should be treated like a queen!"

Me: "Well, they were mostly used, abused, & died miserable at an early age. Looks like I'm on track."

The next therapist that tells me that feeling like things won't get better is a symptom of mental illness rather than an objective statement of fact is going to get their face rearranged in a non-surgical manner.

From the Ticky Tok:

"Hey, girl. Welcome to middle of my goddamned business. Can I get you anything while you're here? Sweet tea? Zebra cake? A host of problems of your own to concern yourself with?"

The Grubhub delivery driver ate part of my order. 😳

That's...that's a new one.

Just saw a TikTok in which a brilliant woman Command stripped two LED lights to a big, cheap mirror & plugged the lights into a power strip so the lights would run on one switch & TA-DA! Huge lighted vanity mirror. #BrokeBitchInnovation

I do not care if you hand me your degree from a culinary institute AND your Michelin star; if your shirt has nary a grease stain, YOU AIN'T TELLIN' ME SHIT ABOUT SHIT.

From an old ep of Dateline: a man is baffled...BAFFLED, I TELL YOU...that the cops think he killed his wife. Why on earth would they suspect him?!

Well, sir, you've had six wives & four of them are dead. We really only let royalty get by with that kind of thing.

My mother asks why I keep my bras on hangers in the closet, rather than fold them in a drawer.

Ma'am. You have tiny scraps of bra that you origami into tiny, neat bundles that fit in drawers. I have TACTICAL BOOB HARNESSES that would each take up a full drawer.

Forget a ~*lingerie chest*~, I need a TACK ROOM.

From beginning to end, the Walmart endeavor took 2 & a half hours & Mom ended up with a cart containing 13 items. 4 of them were mistakes.

And all of this is because she swears I am lying to her for some reason she can't articulate when I tell her, "No, Walmart does not carry that brand of sausage."

Ma'am. Why would I do that. Why would anyone do that. I understand now why all your ex-husbands drank.

My mother has demanded that I install the Walmart app on her phone so she can make her own grocery list. She cannot remember the name of anything she wants & her hands are too shaky to operate touchscreens.

Its going to be a very, very long day.

Just overheard someone speaking about their adult child, who has recently come out of rehab: "Yeah, hopefully that's over with now."

Oh, honey. That's not how it works. I am so, so sorry for all the things you're about to learn the very hardest way.

It's the parenthetical "quite hot" that gets me.

Patient's mom is determined to HUNT THE GLOBE for sophisticated solutions to a problem patient is having when sleeping.

A problem which is easily solved with a foam wedge. That we already possess. Patient & I use it every day at naptime.

Miscounted by one & now a whole day's stitching must be ripped out & done again. #CrossStitch be like that sometimes.