Lili Saintcrow @lilithsaintcrow@raggedfeathers.com

The balance between the fierce discipline needed to keep your story from spiraling out of control and the tender relaxation to let it grow organically and surprise you is ongoing, and so satisfying.

Even got some good work done today, including shaking loose a major plot point I didn't know was in HOOD until this morning.

I can still smell when a pie is ready to come out of the oven.

Some things never go away.

Yesterday was a long day. Today I am going to make pie.

Thank you once again for the kind words and good thoughts. I can't reply to each personally, but believe me, every single one helps, and I thank you for it.

Finally home for the day, all doors locked and shades drawn. Today can just go bite itself, goddammit.

Be kind to yourselves, dear ones.

It has been a Very Long Day but I am at the library now, and that means I am safe. Thank you for all the good thoughts; they are MUCH appreciated.

Be kind to each other out there while I'm gone, hoopy froods.

And just to make today even better, one of my best friends just texted me; she is no longer in remission.

If you have good thoughts to spare, it appears I could use a few this Friday.

All right. Thinking about it is making even more upset.

I suppose I'd better fill out the paperwork and get to work again. It won't be fixed, I just have to live with it.

Sometimes, even after all that, publishers STILL don't pay. Editors with salaries, 401(k)s, and benefits "can't understand" why I'm so displeased.

You know what's super crazy about all this? I'm considered "successful" and I STILL have to chase down, browbeat, and scream to get publishers to pay me what they owe.

I'm really, really tired of publishers treating me like a disposable, hated stepchild when it's time to pay me for the work they profit from. *Really* tired.

But I might not write for publication, which is a different beast. And publishers who will not pay what they owe are directly responsible for me even contemplating as much.

More and more, though, I'm wondering if I should just...quit publishing, and go into a something else. I'll still write, of course--nothing will stop that.

See, publishers can afford to put off paying me for bullshit reasons. I've always been able to cover it before, understanding that it's stupid but it's the way the world works.

Having to fill out mortgage paperwork because a publisher won't pay me on time.

Guess I'm finally a Real Writer now.

Find the B https://www.lilithsaintcrow.com/2019/07/find-the-b/

On the bright side, this will supply plenty of rage to fuel my work, so...optimism!

(I haven't sworn like that since I was in labor. Goodness gracious and fudgesicles, I am PERTURBED.)