The crows were going mad. I peered out the back door; they were circling some trees across the cul-de-sac behind us, driving away what looked like a young hawk.
But that’s not the amazing thing.
I watched as they settled, almost in awe of their cooperative aerial stunts. Then peace returned, and they spread out to look for food.
And who should come winging into my backyard, settling on the lip of the birdbath to take a drink and preen his crooked tail and the white spot on his side?
JERRY HAS BEEN SIGHTED, GENTLEFOLK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Same white spot, same fucked-up tail.
The JERRY WATCH 2021 SITUATION can now be marked a success. I guess he was just temporarily drunk? Or fledging, though he looks far too big?
Anyway, JERRY HAS BEEN SIGHTED. JERRY IS NO LONGER FUCKED OFF.
Carl and Sandra showed back up too. Carl dive-bombed Jerry.
I think Carl may have been yelling “GET OUT OF THERE, REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?”
And this is how nuts I am, my beloveds. I slid the French door open just a tad, just enough, blocking a Very Interested Boxnoggin who had his nose pressed against the glass.
And I finally—FINALLY—got to do what I’ve been longing to do for DAYS.
Yes, my darlings.
I took a deep breath and howled, “FUCK YOU, JERRY,” into the backyard.
Carl was by this time settled in the Venerable Fir. Sandra was in the cedars, eyeing me with some apparent amusement.
JERRY IGNORED ME, AND KEPT SPLASHING IN THE BIRDBATH.
This leads me to two conclusions:
1. I am unhealthily invested in the neighborhood fauna, and
2. JERRY IS AN ASSHOLE.
THE JERRY WATCH IS ENDED.
REPEAT, THE JERRY WATCH IS ENDED
SUMMER IS COMING
…I’m going to go make some tea. Holy hell and hallelujah, what a day. I’m so happy.
BUT ALSO STILL MAD. BECAUSE FUCK YOU, JERRY, THAT’S WHY
(Jerry still seems to have some trouble flying, probably due to his weird tail feathers. But Carl and Sandra are with him, he’ll probably do fine. My water is boiling, I’d better go…)
But all together now, one last time, please yell it for me:
FUCK YOU, JERRY. HAPPY YOU’RE BACK.
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