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So I’m standing in my living room, folding laundry and having a conversation with my children about Animals We Would Not Ever Want To Piss Off.

Spiders? The prevailing feeling chez nous is “look, we’ve both got other things to worry about, let’s just never make eye contact.”

We jumped straight from spiders to moose, which led us to orcas.

…did you know, my daughter just informed me of this, that moose swim in the sea? And that orcas apparently sometimes just…eat them?

This piece of news dislodged the honey badger and an irritated goose from their starring roles at the top of Lili’s Personal “Animals I Actually Fear” List.

Like, it just shot the orca to #1 like an engineered boy band in the 00s.

Orcas. Eat. Moose.

Now, the moose also figures on my “Animals I Wouldn’t Even Talk Shit About In a Whisper” list, too. There’s a video clip of one appearing to walk on water.

There might be a scientific explanation, but *I’m* not gonna risk it.

I will never, ever talk shit about orcas. Not even over drinks with my best friend.

Because I’m just not running that risk. Nuh-uh.

There might conceivably be a situation where I talk shit about a moose, I’ll admit. If the moose is a real douchebag, because truth to power, and all that.

But an orca? Only thing I’ll ever say about an orca is “Yes sir.”

Now, apparently—APPARENTLY—an orca has been seen ripping the liver out of a shark, tasting it, spitting it out, and then swimming away.

And you know me.

I have questions.

The biggest thing I wondered, upon hearing this story, is, “Is that an orca serial killer? And if so, and sharks are its victim type, what do the other orcas think about that?”

Like, do the other orcas get together to plan an intervention? Or is it a crime?

I filed away subsidiary questions about orca detectives because the idea of an orca intervention clearly needed consideration first.

CONCERNED ORCA: “Harry, man, we’ve gotta talk.”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “Sure, Neil. What’s up?”

CONCERNED ORCA: “It’s your shark habit, Harry.”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “What about my shark habit? You like shark, don’t you? It’s tasty!”

CONCERNED ORCA: “Well, that’s the problem, Harry, you just mouth the liver and spit it out. It’s kind of…unsanitary, you know?”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “Well, once they stop moving, it’s no fun anymore. Like a baby seal.”

CONCERNED ORCA: “Well, God, yes, they’re perfect snacks. But you just drop the entire shark, Harry. It’s kind of…unsightly.”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “Well, I wouldn’t want to *offend*.”

CONCERNED ORCA: “See? This is what we were afraid of, that you’d get defensive. We love you, man. We just want you to think little bit.”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “We? Did Jessica put you up to this? Her and her moose habit, now there’s something we should talk about.”

CONCERNED ORCA: “Don’t do that, man. Don’t deflect. This is all of us, the whole pod.”

(OH MY GOD. Has this ever been a show on Orca Reality TV? “This week on The Pod, a confrontation is brewing!”)

CONCERNED ORCA: “You know we love you, man. We’re pod for life, remember? So we’re just looking to keep everything nice for everyone. We’ve all gotta live in the same ocean, man.”

SHARK KILLER ORCA: “I just…didn’t think it was a problem.”

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@lilithsaintcrow orcas work together like wolfpacks

the shark eaters (they dont all do this) learned to flip sharks on their backs which "stuns" them and they surgically remove the livers and leave the rest of the body. supposedly this is a learned skill specific to a pod in South africa, it gets passed down like orca culture

also they slap seals I believe, not sure for or for profit. or both

you are right to fear them. scary af
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