Pinned toot

Signs Your Exorcist May Not Be Legit

1. Their sole piece of equipment they call a "Ghostbustin' stick," which you suspect is a storm-blown tree limb from your neighbor's lawn.

2. They claim they learned how to exorcise "from the streets" and so you ask "Which streets?" but when you go to those named streets, they still look pretty haunted actually.

3. When asked their favorite thing about being an exorcist, they say "Working in a field that has no centralized licensing authority."

Pinned toot

Meanwhile, Somewhere Else... [discord, crowd-participation fiction] Show more

Pinned toot

We Are Updating Our Occult Privacy Policy

At some point in the last few years, we have:

) Viewed you through a scrying pool and/or mirror
) Crafted a double of you from blood and willpower and used it to manipulate your moods and actions and/or
) Sunk into a dark liquid pool, then rose again to the surface but the surface was your eyes, through which we saw all you saw, thought as you thought, as intimate as breath.

Due to new legislation, now we have to ask:
Can we keep doing all that?

Pinned toot

#introductions Show more

HOW TO OVERTHROW A GOVERNMENT

1) Find out what crabs like to eat. Probably gross stuff.
2) Acquire lots of crab food and feed a lot of crabs
3) Befriend the crabs. Tell them your vision for a new government. Really sell them on it.
4) March on the seats of power with a motivated crab army of friends and true believers
5) Chase out the scum with your seething wave of claws! (Once you've chased out the scum with yr claws, continue to step 6)
6) Set a date for free elections (and ban crab feasts)!

Don't sweat those 30 Under 30 lists. The only list you need to make it on is Those Present For the End of the World and you're likely on that very exclusive list already, high five.

They say dress for the job you want and that's why I'm dressed like an exhumed Pope on trial for heresy.

How to Steal a Car

1. Identify a car. Is it locked? Continue to step 2.
2. Approach the door's lock. (There should only be one.)
3. Breathe on the lock. That's it.
4. Press yourself firmly against the lock until you squish in and fill the lock completely.
5. Turn yourself.
6. Enter the car.
7. Write your name on the registration with your best handwriting.
8. Check the back seat for Draculas. If no Draculas, continue to step 10.
9. AAAH! DRACULAS!
10. Finish stealing the car.

All I want for Christmas is to meet the most mysterious of men: a cowboy. I want to learn how to tie knots that non-cowboys haven't even heard of. Secret knowledge.

The Bunny Half-Hitch.
The 18 Cows Loop-a-Loo
The Doorbell Installed On The Side of a Horse
Vaquero Madness
Rope Bullets
"The Best Knot"

I've got chills.

"Cut the turf of the wall. Don’t take him out

Through the door. What leaves that way

Can also come back. Now the corpse is through; seal the gap."

drunkmonkeys.us/2017-posts/201

*gesturing to the heavens*

Just imagine humanity, one day... up among the stars... just being absolute /dicks/ to one another.

(rapturous sigh)

Another photo from CULT because I wanted to share a photo from CULT.

It's not a sneaky way to grow my cult. You don't have to LOOK look *look* looook

Okay, elves, they live in forests. But what if they ate leaves? Like caterpillars?

Flowy hair, pointy ears, straight up nibbling a leaf down while plans against the evil wizard are made. Nom nom nom, and then really making a meal of the stem.

Makes you think.

Get your holiday shopping done early at TEETH WAREHOUSE!

We've got 18 store rooms full of big teeth, little teeth, round teeth, square teeth, gold teeth, steel teeth, teeth-teeth, and for the kids: GUMMY TEETH!

Make sure every present under the tree this holiday season clacks like maracas when shaken! That's the sound of DEALS trying to CHEW THEIR WAY OUT!

Economy's rough. Saw someone selling @petetoms 's first toot on a blanket outside the recycling center.

rpg idea quarantine: magic as IT Show more

rpg idea quarantine: magic as IT Show more

rpg idea quarantine: magic as IT Show more

rpg idea quarantine: magic as IT Show more

rpg idea quarantine: magic as IT Show more

(tough guy voice): This isn't a bed. This is a *chrysalis.* And when I arise from this thing, shivering in the cold air...

THE WORLD WILL TREMBLE!

[shortly after]

*more soft snoring*

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Ragged Feathers

Hello, this is Ragged Feathers. We talk about writing, art, dogs, tea, knitting, weather, science, literature, history, and other cool things. Your host is Lili Saintcrow. Come in and have a beverage; be excellent to each other.