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SomeBODY once told me they had a treasure for me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
They said good ol' Fortunado, you like amontillado?
Got a cask in a basement at my homestead.

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7 Things That Make You Look Older Than You Really Are 

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Witches Town: official pinned ebook marketing thing 

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Signs Your Exorcist May Not Be Legit

1. Their sole piece of equipment they call a "Ghostbustin' stick," which you suspect is a storm-blown tree limb from your neighbor's lawn.

2. They claim they learned how to exorcise "from the streets" and so you ask "Which streets?" but when you go to those named streets, they still look pretty haunted actually.

3. When asked their favorite thing about being an exorcist, they say "Working in a field that has no centralized licensing authority."

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#introductions 

Dogs let me sleep in a whole hour.

Where's the fucking coffee?

"He calls it his 'Fixer.' If you have a whole body of unbroken bones he can fix that for you."

#DnD #OutOfContextDnD #HitNAbyss

@signalstation

nah, nah, Christmas Tree Shops is closer and it has this fucking thing, you can't tell from the picture but both of its eyes spin endlessly, I saw it sitting on top of a shelf as soon as I walked in and I just fucking died laughing

If anyone's gonna swing by a Michael's, go ahead and grab me a set of these things:

leaving a trail of cheez-its from under the bed and into my mouth so the creature that dwells beneath will find me and either it'll finally kill me, or we'll make out, but either way it'll be over

Lookin' good! These are ashcan copies of the game zine @maenad and I collaborated on: two different games about dying in space, combined in a flip-book format.

This is her photo, as today she's putting copies in the hands of some New Mexico-based gaming folks. We're not finished with the project, but... far enough along to see what it might look like in print.

When responding to a poll, do you prefer:

2D6 FINAL NOTICE WOLVES
With keen senses and knowledge of the terrain, they've tracked you down and ringed you in. Inside every growling mouth, a Final Notice bill from one of your creditors.
Roll for Initiative + Credit Rating.

Bite 1d4
Deliver Mail 1d6 (psychic)
Distract (disadvantage vs other Final Notice Wolves)

Haven't had time to read the news yet today, was it revealed I've been a ghost the whole time?

ANTI-PLEASURE GRAHAM CRACKER GOLEM

Imbued with life via the least possible amount of magical/electrical stimulation, this Grahamite creation has but one purpose: to promote vegetarianism and discourage sensuality.

As such, its sensory organs border on vestigial.

Possessions:
) Flyer on virtues of temperance
) Folding chair
) Boar's hair brush
) Coupon for powdered soap (expired)

Advanced Skills:
3 Resist Temptation
1 Inspire
1 Absorb

Worst Enchanted Weapons (as determined by GLOWSWORDS QUARTERLY, Mines of Mithmax, 70)

1) +1 short sword vs cheese

2) WHAT!?!? the Screaming Mace

3) Amber's Frozen Hot Dog Knife

4) Kevin

Least Popular Elves (as reported by Gygax's Subscription Faxes, #3 v1 1978, delivered via fax)

1) Income Tax Elves
2) Pus Elves
3) Divorce Lawyer Elves
5) Misnumbered List Elves

Top 3 Astronaut Toothpaste Brands (as reported in NASA N.E.W.S #8 v3 1972)

1) Cadet Stargleam's Tooth Cream

2) Cavity Blast-Off!

3) Madame Loop-the-Loop's Tooth du Tooth

okay, what do you want to know today

my brain is full of useless info coupled with a facility for lying to strangers online

KEY MUMMY
Wrapped in a shroud, weighted down with keys, this figure was sent like an astronaut into the afterlife with the expectation that they'd be able to throw the doors wide open.

They're back. Clanging. Still on the mission? Was a new one waiting behind a locked door?

Possessions:
) Formal shroud
) Casual shroud (w pockets)
) So many keys
) Blockbuster card

3 Extraplanar Navigation
2 Lockpick
1 Strength
1 Dust

You know that fever-breaking feeling where you wake up exhausted and damp in a disgusting bed?

... What if you could have that feeling... ALL THE TIME?

Try new [hey, marketing, what are we calling this drug?]! Ask your doctor how and start SICKBED LIVING!

Sure, internet, go ahead and get me into Australian pop bands, why not.

Hey, did you need some art? Because @RAPIDPUNCHES is not only extremely talented, but they're also (somehow) available for commissions and you're a dag-blamed FOOL if you're not taking advantage of that fact.

commiss.io/listings/LRG3

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Ragged Feathers

Hello, this is Ragged Feathers. We talk about writing, art, dogs, tea, knitting, weather, science, literature, history, and other cool things. Your host is Lili Saintcrow. Come in and have a beverage; be excellent to each other.