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SomeBODY once told me they had a treasure for me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
They said good ol' Fortunado, you like amontillado?
Got a cask in a basement at my homestead.

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7 Things That Make You Look Older Than You Really Are 

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Witches Town: official pinned ebook marketing thing 

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Signs Your Exorcist May Not Be Legit

1. Their sole piece of equipment they call a "Ghostbustin' stick," which you suspect is a storm-blown tree limb from your neighbor's lawn.

2. They claim they learned how to exorcise "from the streets" and so you ask "Which streets?" but when you go to those named streets, they still look pretty haunted actually.

3. When asked their favorite thing about being an exorcist, they say "Working in a field that has no centralized licensing authority."

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#introductions 

"Hurry, drink the gasoline! It's the only thing that will drive it out of you!" they shouted, shoving the red can forward to my shaking hands.

I've fallen asleep twice watching the same documentary about black holes, so if you see NASA let them know about this additional side effect of black holes, on top of all the gravity and light crushing and whatnot.

A penny saved is a penny earned! Unless you are a member of the CryptoPenny™ nano-investment club. Once enrolled, every penny earned gets "invested" with our patented QuantumScythe™ penny harvester. We don’t know how it works AT ALL, but 7 out of 10 times when you reconstitute the penny you get a second “shadow penny” that behaves just like a normal penny only angrier. Limited space, sign up today!

on-brand childhood memory 

We are both opening and closing the floor for questions. Just trying to get a breeze going.

Rich enough to run a train around my whole property along the property line in lieu of a fence. Rich enough to hire a professional hobo to ride that rail, chewing on genetically modified straw, blowing sad lonesome tunes through the harmonica equivalent of a Stradivarius. Rich enough to pay someone else to rig the bridge with dynamite so I can push the plunger and send the whole train to hell and I'm going to do it someday. Or pay someone to do it, which is like: Close enough.

sight gag:

person standing next to their vehicle which has a vehicle-sized egg shell on top of it, cracked, yolk and albumen slime-ing it all up, shaking their first angrily at Baba Yaga's hut walking away on its enormous eldritch chicken legs

Hey, trendsetters: Enough time has passed. Someone could KILL with a new song like "Dem Bones" that's about bones.

Everybody has 'em, everybody likes 'em. It's a musical GOLDMINE and it's yours for the taking.

blind-sided by nostalgia 

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Candles. Whatever happened to them?

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what if horses could talk

wow this blew up give money to someone

Been working on a character recently, who I call "My Roommate Dracula." I think I'm really getting the voice down. Goes something like this:

"I don't sound ANYthing LIKE that! Vhy do you insist that you can DO an imPRESSion of me, you svine? Haff I no feelings to be hurt?"

But like, pretend I was wearing a cape. That's a big part of it.

Spent hours walking around the neighborhood trying to find out where an accordion player was drowning in an outdoor pool filled with expired pudding until a member of the crew told me that was just my theme music.

@signalstation living life as a hardcore OpinionPrepper is tough work. What makes it all worth it is knowing that I'll have immediate and well thought out disdain for the particular end of the world that comes!

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Ragged Feathers

Hello, this is Ragged Feathers. We talk about writing, art, dogs, tea, knitting, weather, science, literature, history, and other cool things. Your host is Lili Saintcrow. Come in and have a beverage; be excellent to each other.