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CLOSED FOREVER
a series of dice rolls

You are running a roadside attraction in the late 20th century's United States

Your roadside attraction features (1d6):

1) A giant fiberglass fruit
2) Giant fiberglass dinosaurs
3) The World’s Biggest Collection of [something useless]
4) Biggest Ball of Twine
5) Minigolf
6) A Haunted Corn Maze

The place is going to shut down but you’ve got a plan (1d6):

1) Lure in cocaine-rich investors from Miami
2) Scare elderly Uncle Morris to death and inherit his fortune
3) Get featured as the setting for a Hollywood movie
4) A celebrity endorsement!
5) Rally the community and host a fair
6) Be the first roadside attraction to launch into space

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Unfortunately (1d6):

1) The Mob has plans for your space
2) A crew of thieves plans to steal the attraction
3) Your attraction is re-zoned for toxic waste storage
4) Dinosaur bones have been found on site and archaeologists are everywhere
5) All the kids are into disco
6) The tax code is changing unless you help elect a dog mayor

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Aww crud, I thought I was just making fun little lists, but now that I came up with Honey Heist-style stats, I'm in real trouble. I might be designing a game. How do I stop? This is terrible!

signalstation.com/closed-forev

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@signalstation

Re: ^^^

Now I'm really curious to know the story of "A crew of thieves plans to steal … A Haunted Corn Maze" (given the right rolls)

@signalstation There's something oddly hypnotic about that video (at least on mute—I didn't try it with sound)

@signalstation

this entire thing feels like an indictment of USican "culture" and therefore means I won't be having that. I'm sorry, are you an agent of the dolphin regime

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